been in love with james blunt songs these days. back to bedlam. i wonder how i came to this song. is it from my housemate talking about songs in one fine night and mentioned abt james blunt? dont know. but i then i found it in my music storage. it was just nice, the voice and lyrics.. i like the 'you're so beautiful'. just like connecting to someone i met these days. damn. she's just beautiful. simply beautiful and that's all..  unlike the lyrics in the song saying meeting in a subway, it is somewhere here though. but you know you're not going any point further. exactly. that's what the song is all about. that's the point of all if you like. 

good songs of blunt though. but i also know that it might be replaced by other songs which i dont know in the future. yeah, just like before blunt, this awesome guy michael buble with his 'home' song occupied me all the time long. i think it's simply because i was trying to find out what 'home' is for me. i was at the stage of searching of what 'home' is. that's the point. home that refers not to a particular place but its also about someone.... it's about someone, it's about home. your soul mate if you like..

yeah, that's the mello side of me. simply because my 'rap' side of me never dies... eminem.

it is true when it's said you never know how precious it is until you lose it.. and unfortunately there is no and never will be a time machine in which you can go back in the past to change what's been done. that's the beauty and mystery of life. but it's fair to say that you can have a second chance as well... 

staying true and honest.

can't stop thinking about it and came across a poet of sapardi djoko damono. one of the faves. copied from internet..

Aku Ingin

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan

kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu.

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan

awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada.

  

 this is deep. it's beyond the word "sederhana" as it says.... it lies on the core essence of kayu kepada api, awan kepada hujan and then tiada.. it's about totality, if you like... ah, well...deep.. for HSO.

Returning home after more less than two years away. Exciting but also full of surprises. Meeting new people, visiting new places and gaining new insights if you like.Yes, it's not easy on the beginning, in the first weeks after arriving home but i'm very happy i can cope with that quickly and well. However, there is something missing though. indeed, feel empty. something missing.. the places i used to visit don't change much but the feeling changes a lot. and i thought we can start a new one but find out we are in distant parts of the world again. AGAIN. by the time i want to be closed with her, she's in the place where i was off. it's like reversing.

but, it won't be me if not taking it into superstitious level. i mean there is something out there to be learnt by me but couldn't see it right. and thanks to find it out soon. i came to realisation that indeed i shall change. changing to be a better one. as once said, and it is true that the autism in me can kill. can shut a relation off. i'm an autist, literally. when it comes to feeling, it's not easy to communicate it. and when i immerse myself in something, hardly can manage myself to the other thing.

but again, as i said, it won't be me if not seeing things on the bright side. perhaps i can see her in england sometime soon. yup.

again and again I can't be more thankful than to have my supervisor's feedback. I know I feel sometimes it's almost a never ending work which that's the nature of it but the way she  encourages me to do the improvement of my work (literature review) is just wonderful. Encouraging not rubbishing if you like. I know, I've been doing that for ages now but it's fair to acknowledge that the focus of the study has been changing as well. I used to think of it as 'a moving target'. On one hand, from the bright side for sure, I am happy and grateful to what I've been through. Reading a lot stuffs. But not to the level of fed up yet. Nope. I won't go there. but on the other hand it's just taking much time and a lot efforts. nevertheless (hah, i sound like a true academician now lol) it's all under control :)