Anyways, benedict is sort of sun shining in my family. i never see my parents as happy as they are now. i never see my dad even if he was so happy, but he i believe, only in his heart but not showing to the world. Until, benedict comes. I came on sunday afternoon, and early in the morning before i got up even, my dad already was playing with benedict. and i showed them without their notice are playing to each other. i won't forget the moments. it was just so wonderful. it's the heaven. my parents feel 'full' of their life.
and me myself, i couldnt sleep until 2 or 3 on that night. the aura of benedict filled the house. i then remembered my late grand parents. i suddenly remembered how my grand father brought us whatever he found from garden. as he was pretty good in the water or sea, once i remembered he brought us eels or whatever fish he found in the river. or in one night, he took me along with him catching fish. he also once told me a sentence that changed my attitude to my little brother. my little brother at that time was just want to go along with me no matter where i wanted to go for playing. i didn't like it as i was not 'free'. but one moment when my little brother asked to go with me again, i said no. my grand dad was there. and then he told me "if not with you he can come along with as brother, with whom else?" and suddenly it changed me and i was okay if he'd like to come with me since then.
my grand mother was just so calm. she kept smiling at seeing me. and i liked the way every time she touched my hair, and wish all the good did of my ancestors come to me. she also often brought me fruits when she went to garden.
my childhood was just so wonderful. if i just could be back on those days. best moments of my life.
i feel what sort of being a son of my parents, a grand son of my grand parents and a son of my village.
and in benedict, i saw how my parents with full of love give to him. i saw the aura alive in my home again.
couple months before benedict born, when i was home, i found that it was not my home anymore. i didn't feel like i was at home. but now it changed. totally changed. if i just could, i would like to come home as i can. to see and to play with my little nephew.
i do like children. yes, eveywhere i go, when i meet them, i like seeing them, take a notice of them or whatever. i like children. but again, to see and to play with my own nephew is just more deep than ever. i don't know. i just think every child on earth is the place where we can see the innocence. n deep.. there are not masks, its just appeared as it is, as white paper as it could be.
my brother now also changed. no one could imagine that now he is a teacher. lol. when he was 20s n even after marriage, his life was sort of 'i dont know how to explain it' but now totally changed. if i use my logical way of thinking, i use the rational mind, i could not connect the dots. only the 'irrational' mind could explain that. benedict has an aura, something beyond logic could connect the dots.
i often use this as well, connecting things using the 'irrational mind' after failing to use my logical mind facing problems for example. i think that's why i sometimes, after all the problems that i dont see the logics behind it, i could be calm at the end. sometimes, i can't believe how simple logic could not apply for some matters. i dont know if i'm the stupid, the foolish, the stubborn or something. sometimes, when i gave all i could do, but something still missing the dots. then i use the effective way "irrational mind"
in this case, :) i mean benedict things, i use my 'irrational mind' to connect the dots as well. and i'm proud to be called 'bapa talu' 'middle father'. well, in Nias customs, when you have your nephew or niece, you have your own new name. So, not only the father, who'd be called as a 'father of benedict', for example; but also all the brothers and sisters would have a new name such as 'eldest father', 'middle father' or 'youngest father' or 'eldest mom', etc. and i'm so happy with my own nephew. :)))
my father, mom and benedict
innocent face of benedict
bennedict and my father
