...

hey,

i keep asking what i want to do in life. Or perhaps, the question should be 'What's really I want to do in life?' What?

well, if you ask me, i've got things to say. but when i ask to myself then the question is on and on. after these years, i just wonder if i was on the right track. On the way i've been through, i liked what i did as it connected my heart and my mind but at the same time i witnessed wrong things. And it seemed that i was just not capable of making it right. it's beyond my control, beyond my capacity to fix it. and then the question for me was 'why am i here?' 

And now it seems that i don't have right place, right time to have contemplation. It seems like i'm in it and try to avoid it but i couldn't. sticky patch.

a simple example one. i read in a newspaper of a grandma stole 3 cocoa and sentenced for a month and half. thiefs stealing millions dollars of people money are hanging around, appeared on tvs and newspapers and still fine. Isn't that insane? I mean, that is beyond basic logic as human beings. Another one, despite some success stories, many projects in the name of humanitarian purposes are wasting money. And...?? that's it. it seems things are just fine.

Look, this week i walked around and i found this. These two kids with their grandma were begging for surviving. We can see this scene everyday. i just wonder how on earth hundreds, thousands, millions families keep doing this in the middle of abundant resources to live better. what's wrong? Don't laugh at me.. i know it's just a ridiculous mind. yeah... perhaps the way i think is too simple if not naive.. because you would say 'that happens everywhere 'n every history'. 'from the ancient ages to now, they are always there'. well, yes that might be true. but why?

i don't know..

or perhaps, is it because i talked to them, tried to make friends or something.. or perhaps, i should just walk around and things would be just fine. is it? hmm... well...  i don't know.