an email

I feel wonderful today. I visited afia, an agricultural project site, and talked to them (participants of the agriculture training). i talked to the head of village as well. he was there. there were few things to discuss but already settle down. :) and again, they expressed their expectation, again. and that made me think harder on the way to office.


when i arrived in office and checked my email, i found an email from volker. volker is a german friend. and if the farmers' pray heard, this email might be the answer. Or at least this email could be a trigger. a trigger to keep me on the track to find the way out to fulfill their hope, their expectation. we started our agricultural project on the last october and it will be ended soon and they expected to be continued, to be sustained until they can run on their own.

Based on our scheme, the project is a beginning. a beginning of our long process for a huge goal, to work together for improving their lives. it's huge goal. and this project is a start of big scheme and it is still weak. it's still weak foundation of a big scheme.


This project initiated by the coming of Jihad to Nias, to LPAM. We discussed a lot and resulted this project. To be honest, I respect him. He's a true friend. I mean the friendship was not merely built base on the project interest. i don't think so. And i respect that. i respect on his view and my view to see this as not merely as project instead of a form of a commitment to work with people for struggling, for fighting for a better life, for a dignified life. This commitment is transformed into a project. That is the perspective. Its not the other way around, a project created the commitment...

So, Jihad searched for support and the project's running well and it's going to be ended soon. Again, the farmers should thank Jihad for this. And so far, i am so satisfied with the result of this project. Out of 10 participants, there are 8 who are consistent to join the training for 6 months, plus another 10 women of the villager. The consistency, the trust of them for these 6 months to work together. We grow chili, water melon and onion. so far, they are harvesting the plants now. Again, the harvest is satisfying. As a single project, this is satisfying.


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On the way from afia to office. it's not as usual, i drove slowly. it was slow. i was thinking a lot. there were couple things on my head. after meeting with them, there were a lot things in my head, i was thinking. and suddenly, i found how interesting in staying here, in this island, with the people, with the communities. i just feel so grateful to them to be here. it's been 4 years and i witnessed a lot things happened. there were interesting lessons learned. there were things to be proud of, critiques, protests, anger, satisfaction and disappointment as well.

Especially recently, disappointment over the behavior of INGOs, local NGOs, and among us as well... sometimes it made me skeptical. i became skeptical. plus, trapped in complicated office works rather than involving in strategic thinking and deciding process. or involving in activities as a part of the social movement. and most of my colleagues of local NGOs are trapped in the 'projects'. it's getting into mainstream and i'm afraid of that become main jobs. one of my colleagues once identified that kind of in aceh and i found it here in nias as well. the phenomenon is there. NGOs activist trapped in 'projects' and i am in the middle. i often to think that it's enough. enough here!. i want to quit. it might be the right time to work on something else or running my own business or whatever or working in industry to become a labour. i am skeptical and want to be far away from the issues 'empowerment, 'capacity' 'humanitarian' 'social commitment', 'transparency' and the 'phonies' as well. sometimes, it made me want to puke to see that behavior and the talking about bullshit and all.

But sometimes, just like the meeting, the talking, the heart-to-heart conversation in the afia, made me think and think again. On the way to office, i was thinking. i didn't do that very often. there was something come in my mind. it was about things what we have done with them. it was about our existence, our being with them. and i think that no matter how small thing we work with them, how small it was, there must be the benefit for them. there must be. it might give them at least 'something' positive. at least, something different from their daily struggle for life. i am so sure about this from the way they speak, their comments, their acceptance and the way we work together. there was a trust between us and them. and i believe that they were honest when saying something because i could see that their eyes said so. it came in my mind that no matter how small we do for them, those things must give them the benefit.


And then suddenly i remembered the schools we built with heart and the children going to the schools. i remembered the good houses we built for them, something we could not afford for even ourselves, for me as well :) but i'm glad, i'm satisfying when they accepted that happily. and through this agricultural project, the expectation was there. a hope appears. a hope for building life better through this agriculture. as a source of life, a better source of life. for living, for kids, for family, for health, education and things. for better future. there is a hope.

a question then appeared "if not us who work with them to work on the hope, who would be else?" yeah, who else? i witnessed - i was in- the change of the government from authoritarian regime into democratic one.. it's been for one decade already. i witnessed the political changes but i do not see yet the change of their lives. poverty is still there if not getting worse. so, who else to suppose to come to work with them?


And remembering that things, the spirit is there again. the spirit to work together to build the hope, to build the life, a dignified life.. and volker's email triggered my 'commitment adrenalin' again.