Still Blue

It’s not easy these days and little bit complicated. I used to say that things are just exciting and yet I always found new things. Instead of saying those now, I tend to complain. I just hope that I can pass these hard times as soon as possible.

I identified three things stuck me. First it’s about the tight courses time, secondly is about my project in home country and the last one is cook. Courses time. Two-week orientation passed successfully and I really enjoyed the time although it was very tight up. And then I thought that it’s perhaps just because the orientation days. Then I came through my first-week class and I still found the same busy thing. Then, second-week class was still and at the third-week class, I found I missed four classes already. Gosh.. This is the problem when used to be 'a free-man'.

I found here too much things to read, a lot assignments. That's good.. In one side I often tried to reflect what I learnt in one day but there was not enough time for that because I needed to prepare things for another tomorrow’s class. It was mixed then by ‘culture shock’. I mean things were just new for me and very often I need time to figure out things first before I internally feel comfortable to adjust myself for the new situation.

Then, we had a break. We went to Moloka’i in which I very enjoyed it. No classes, no readings, there were much reflection though still busy and did not have time for writing the experiences there. I enjoyed it though. Soon after returning from Moloka’i and then that was it. I feel I can’t stand anymore. I just found everybody complained about the courses, too much readings and assignments all the time. It seems like the courses, readings and all the stuffs spoiled our days. I thought it was only me who experienced that but many.

In addition for my case, I found too much things to complete after the Moloka’i. I found there were many things to decide for my project in Nias. Continuing our humanitarian work for the Emergency Respond over earthquake disaster, we started our schools and houses reconstruction project just when I departed to Honolulu. And I thought I could do much assistance and guiding in distance. I also expect that from Honolulu I can design and plan for one to five-year strategic planning of the NGO I lead now. I know that my staffs need to improve their capacity and yet the project is still new for them. What I found then was it was not as easy as I expected. Every time they needed me to chat with them to decide this and that, to finish monthly report and things.

What thing makes more complicated then is cook. Yeah, I should learn how to cook in Indonesia before. I never cook in my life. Well, I remember when I cooked once when I was in my first day at college but that’s all. Only once and I decided to just go for catering after all. And then, that’s it. I try to cook here with noodle, rice and canned fish. But it’s boring to have the same meals menu everyday. I go to cafeteria or restaurant here but it’s not easy as it’s not closed from dorms and yet costly.

And then I found things ruined.

I know these days are not good time for me. But I have to confess that I have good friends here too. Their sincere concern when I missed the class, offered me lunch or dinner, appreciate me, we sometime have talks make me feel good. Sometimes, when I talked to my fellow here is a relief. Yet, the staffs are good, some.

Two days ago, I was thinking of just going home is a better idea for me. To go back to my comfort zone. Everything was just cool, no need to worry about meals menu, I love my racing motorcycle, my lovely Indonesian cappuccino, had deep discussions with friends or just hanging out at night, I got up as I wanted, no time-schedule set by someone else for me, busy time but still feel free and all things. But is that what I want? Hmm...

I just need a little more free-time to settle things down here and little patience.