keep the faith. that's how i would like to describe it. a reminder for myself to keep the faith. i have a promise to fulfill.. and i'll carry the sign wherever i go to keep reminding me about the promise i make...

hey, reading your messages, i feel subtle meanings there. lightening me up..

but i also keep not being so expressive as i wish. i just want to walk on this pathway. if heaven decides any other than expected, what shall an ordinary man like me could do. but i'll keep walking on the way until 'it' says not.. 2 years, i promise and 6 months already passed. it's quick. that's what i feel..

but the feeling is upside down. it's like a roller coaster. sometimes up, down, up, down again but i have no choice but up again.. in one hand, i sometimes think, why i torture myself for this; being away from home, under continuos pressure, and so on. the other side though, i remind myself hard how to be grateful to have time devoted only for studying as i used to dream on. i keep reminding myself that nothing's useless as long as it's being carried seriously and thoughtful. anyways, there are a lot stories i would like to tell but let me keep it for the time being..

but i just can't ignore to what i promise and i'll fulfill it. i know there are prices to pay and i will pay for that.. 

hso

I was walking to Uni, university, we quite often saying  "going to uni" instead of "going to campus" when there was a kind of holding me to take these pictures. Yes, I noticed couple days ago, that there was quite unusual seeing the flowers, whatever their names are, poor me, start to growing up.. And they grow under the big trees. It could be a coincidental but that what I notice. 

Anyways, spring is coming. That's giving hope? :) Yes, why not? At least, there will be no complaints about the weather until the coming of winter again... Also I notice that the sun is still around until 6 p.m. I mean it's still bright until 6 not like on the last months it already got dark by 4 or less than 4.. But now, it's getting better... :)

Spring brings hopes and spirit??? I'll take that notion...  :))))

spring to come

..

I think this time is the lowest curve of being here, studying here. Well, there are literally hundreds or even thousands reasons to come up justifying that. But as usual, I hesitate to explore all those reasons. It's been my belief that 'pointing that, pointing this', in many ways, is not helpful. Pointing those all reasons, unfortunately, I regard as complaints. Perhaps, some psychological studies refer that complaining, or whatever you might call it, is good. It gives you a relief perhaps. Unfortunately, again, it's been planted on my nerve system that complaining is just not helping. Or, perhaps, because I'm quite good in finding reasons for almost everything, i think i'had been trained for that, avoiding complaints then might be helpful.  That's why as conscious as possible, I avoid it.

Anyways, I really miss home. Despite that I feel time is just so running fast, I do miss home. Under the sun, and all... 

I'm making a program for this March for myself; no caffeine, no nicotine, no alcohol and sort of addictive things. In 3 days more...I should give myself a break for all those. I need that..

into the wild

Alexander Supertramp :)
'I paraphrase Thoreau here',

"rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness,

give me truth"

seems like my dreams are coming to me again. something stayed there for a while until lately appear again; wandering into 'human being' whatever it means.. but i know what i mean...

..

On last April or May 2010 I guess, I visited Sri Lanka for a meeting, and I took this picture..  I think it's good.. well,,. i don't know...

...

By the way, I don't know why I don't find that staying here is so impressing as once living in Hawai'i or staying in Japan. Is it because of the weather or because of the poeple? Or is it because that staying here is not that kind of 'free' in the sense that I have to study hard which is a kind of burden.. Is it? Well, I'm doubt on that reason actually because I like studying. I do... Or is it because the way I used to study for my undergrad is different from the way I am studying here now? I don't know.. Or is it because of something else? Or perhaps, it might take some time to enjoy here and find myself 'well settled'... I don't know... 

Anyways, I love to hear British dialect although sometimes it's irritating as well.. Don't get me wrong, I mean, i love to hear that accent but sometimes i find it too much.. 

Ah, I miss my guitar.. I left it in Jakarta.. I don't play quite well but playing guitar very often makes me feel better... Hmm...  Gosh, I do hope my portable heater is coming this Monday. I've just purchased it online.. It's damn cold man.. Seriously...

Hey, i'll find my way to enjoy each moment here... :) I am sure I'll do..:)

Well.. it's been long time.. And now is 2011.. Well, it seems that my days here are a kind of non-stop working. Or perhaps, is it because I can't manage my brain? I mean, very possible what happens actually is that I'm not able to have my mind and thinking in peace. That's it, but not because of the 'things' themselves.

Anyways, I have just spent my time reading Tempo news online to find out what's going on in Indonesia. After a while, this browsing led me to a corner of the website; 'Reader Space' and I noticed the words "the cathers in the rye" mentioned there. I stopped, read and it says, more less, that the killers of famous persons, called the lone killers, like the novel of "The Cathers in the Rye"very much. I stopped for a while and then suddenly I remembered that I read this book once. Yes, it was given by a Japanese friend, Hiro. He said that after I read the book I should pass it to another person, Vicky. Indeed, the book was very impressive not only in its narration but also in the sense that its ability to 'provoke' you.. Provocative, I'd say.. And suddenly, it triggered me to write this blog again.. It's weird... Isn't it? I don't know..

Talking about the friends (more than one friend) who introduced me the novel, he, his brother and his girl friend (who is coming to visit this April) also mentioned about the movie they like so much "Into the wild" which I was only able to watch the movie in 2009 in Jakarta. Indeed, the movie was also provocative and just great..! The only thing that I couldn't find is a movie they recommended, a German movie, about some young guys, not sure if they were activist or kind of, who kidnapped a famous politician and there were strong dialogues about injustice and inequality in that movie. That's what they told me.. I never watch the movie though..

Anyways, it's 2 a.m. and it's minus 5 degree Celsius. It's cold. Despite that I'm wearing my shoes but still I feel my feet cold. Bloody cold.. But i hardly ever hear the word 'bloody' here.. It's strange. I thought that the 'bloody' word was famous expression here. Or ??? I don't know..

Anyways, there is a 10.000 word Literature Review that I am dealing with. I have to submit it in this coming mid feb. I am on my way to write it. Well, the idea is there. I downloaded many journals about the topic. It is about Fair Trade.. Fair Trade or Unfair Trade? Hmm.... Let's see... Somehow, I don't find much problem in the sense that I know clearly what things to put down. My consultation with my supervisor on last Thursday was so helpful. She's helpful I'd say. She encourages me.. Gosh, I thought that I didn't need an encouragement.. lol. I thought I was tough enough to handle things. But it turns, I think everybody needs that..

Another thing. Well, basically this is about personal thing. But I just don't want to write it here, in public. Well, this blog is public, isn't it? In the very beginning of writing this blog, i was so naive to think that it was a kind of 'private' thing until I found that some people I know comments about this blog. lol. Well, the point of what I am going to say is that in only months, say 4 months or so, there is a huge thing happens between me and someone else. That makes me come to conclusion that 'principle' is not an easy thing to keep.. I mean, it's hard to believe that a huge change could happen just in months. Not on my side though.. But let's see... Thinking about it, I try to be positive as much as I can.. I don't know... Or, perhaps this is my problem. Once I set my heart for something, it's hard for me to find that I can't make it despite the hard efforts I put it on.. Could be. That's the problem I think. I'm not that quite easy to change from one thing to another thing or to accept a condition where a thing changes so rapidly.. Particularly, when you work on it over years. However, that does not necessarily mean that I am not capable for quick adjustment either.. Hmmm....

Anyways, life is good, isn't it?

Did I mention about my visit to Switzerland on the last winter break? Nope.. Well, it was just lovely.. Thanks a million Gaby for that... Yes, that's a wonderful trip; a lot thoughts..

First Paper

Little bit relief. I handed my first paper yesterday, finally. It's late for 2 days though. But, that what I could afford so far. I was struggling to put the ideas in order, kept rethinking about it until I said to myself to just finish it and revise it later again when I get my feedback from my convenor (my lecturer), a person who is in charge with this module.

Been already one month and half studying here. Exciting and challenging. That's how I would like to describe it. It's exciting because I get the ideas of the history of buzzwords always familiar but just had no clue where they come from. The buzzwords I mean is such as modernization, neoclassical economy thought, dependency, periphery, neo liberalism, structural adjustment, development, self-sufficiency, and so on. So, I could say, I got the big pictures of all those 'jargon'. Moreover, the current thing I learn briefly is the thought of posdev (post-development). This is new for me and it astonishingly rejects all the idea of development by proposing a thought of the end of development era. Sachs (Wolfgang Sachs) in his introduction to The Development Dictionary right to the point saying "The last 40 years can be called the age of development. This epoch is coming to an end. The time is ripe to write its obituary". hohoho........ Aside from its content, the way he proposed his thought is awesome :) Shocking...Strong....and very confident...I like it... Furthermore, he said "Today, the lighthouse shows cracks and is starting to crumble. The idea of development stands like a ruin in the intellectual landscape".

Yet, another parallel shocking idea I got to know before coming here when I was writing my research proposal is Dambisa Moyo's Dead Aid. She elegantly demonstrates how Aid is actually contributing to poverty in Africa. In simple words, Aid creates poverty.

Anyways, so far, I think there should be a way out of this so called (by postdev) 'stink development'

And I handed my paper yesterday and other papers are just awaiting... Gosh, but I like it :))

autumn in birmingham

another disaster

another earthquake and tsunami hit mentawai, islands below nias island my home town. 300 died.. that's in sumatra. in other part of indonesia, in middle, java, there was volcano eruption. just weeks ago, flood in papua (west indonesia) and the politicians and indonesians' leaders are just idiot as usual... oh ya, not to mention about flood every year in the capital city, jakarta and no any significant responses...
gosh, we need a new radical changes or otherwise...business as usual...

Here I am

Well, here it is. This the big deal is. I am here in University of Birmingham now. To make the story short, things start when I applied Ford Foundation Scholarship and seemed things just run smoothly. I got it. :) Then I applied four universities and was accepted at University of Birmingham and I took the offer and here I am... 

I am on my seventh week here now. I completed my pre-sessional course (English for Academic Purpose) and in the next coming 4 Oct, I will start my main course, International Development. I take M.Phil in International Development as I am thinking that's the way to have better understanding abt research. Then if i'm fortunate enough, i could pursue my PhD. If I am lucky enough. lol...

Couple things. First, I met my Ford fellows here.  I think they are great if not brilliant. At least, I could say that I have peers who share things in mind and I feel like at home when I am around with them. One from South Africa and another one is from India. I am not very much yet in touch with others but I believe they are cool too.... 

Secondly, despite our continuous 'hot conversation' about England and all, one thing I respect so much, so far about being here is 'honesty'. The story is I left my external hard disk at Uni Library, careless me, on Monday perhaps and then I came to Library desk this afternoon and I got it.... :) :) :) So happy get it back.. I respect that... 

New Hobby; Sketching

Well, actually I have been waiting and waiting for something. And it seems I couldn't get out of thinking of it until it's clear. In the middle of it, I was just jotting things down on papers. Things. I mean whatever; words, line, curve, or whatever comes. In a moment when I visited University of Birmingham website, I noticed something different in its logo. In the logo, I noticed that one of its pictures is a picture of mermaid. Hmm, I wonder... Then, I tried to sketch the mermaid picture but after all I didn't see I could do that. So, couple days it took me to sketch the mermaid and every time I finished, I was not satisfied at all.. I gave up for a while.

Then, a University of Amsterdam magazine on my table. There is a lady as front cover of the magazine smiling. I think she is 'too happy'. I didn't pay any attention on it until this afternoon I tried to do sketching again. I think the picture could be a model for me. Then, here it is.. :)

All the photos below taken from

http://www.facebook.com/barackobama

Photographer: Pete Souza

BP OIL SPILL; Too far from anti-british

I am following the news about the BP oil spill. I noticed this issue for the first time from tweeter and facebook. Then I found according to Guardian if I'm not mistaken, this causes low popularity of Obama especially in UK and US as well. Then, I've been following the criticism toward the inadequate of federal government solving this problem.

Surprisingly, as a freedom of speech nature is, many Americans not only criticize but also express vulgar disagreement and 'the worst words' ever I read in Obama's facebook, tweeter and youtube.

Then, I keep searching what's been going on actually. I also download some podcasts from iTunes about this issue. Not to mention that I download couple of Obama's speech videos.

What I found again is the nature of the freedom of speech as it is. Secondly, there is a frustration toward the huge problem and its impact. Unlike natural disaster, this oil spill keeps on and on perhaps until July or more.

Thirdly, and this is what makes me respect on Obama. I've never seen a president on earth acting like a worker, true worker for his people. Pictures don't lie. I never see Obama stressful until I noticed a picture of him looked so stressful to find the solution of this problem. The point what I want to say is he works. He does the job instead of just sitting in his luxury oval room. He talked to people, he mingled with them, he touched and heard them. And the photos are not merely as photos for publication purposes. I think it is far from that. I don't see that. People mentioned about PR but I don't see that. The pictures taken by the photographer, I believe he understands what's goin on. You can't get those images when you'are not deep involved in things or when you don't have the sense.

The other point I respect on him is his standing position to be with his people against oil industry (the rich behind it) when this company is found wrong. He speaks aloud his position precisely as his position for the healthcare bills against most of the pharmacy industries involved. His standing position for people that what mostly makes me keep respecting on him.

Again, people might have different opinions from varied angle and analysis. And I might be also wrong because I might be not as objective as I could be. But one for sure, I can see a man who is called a president works and stands for his people benefit and interest.

By the way, I read some blogs and news that it seems Obama stir the issue to be like anti-british. Even, there is a writing explaining how this anti-british attitude got in Obama. Imao,.. I can't believe it. The true I believe is how this industry press try to stir the core of problems to be fishy and blur... Man...

I also do understand David Cameron's position. It's not that he does not want to protect BP as a British company but I think, I might be wrong, he understands the complexity and the pressure this company created in American public. And it might be wise to be 'careful' in putting himself in the 'tending to be blur situation'. I think..

Again, this issue is far from anti-british. If that true happens, my respect and perhaps most of people around the world won't respect to Obama.

dambisa moyo on poverty

Listening to Dambisa Moyo after all is giving more confidence of my belief that aid should be re-considering again. There should be a review on that.

Couple things I agree with her is that her perspective that aid, especially aid of G2G (Government to Government), failed to decrease poverty in Africa. It is true in most of under developed countries as well. Another point I like is the way she portraits the aid as a bandage. Aid functions as a supporting for a wound. But it is not a cure, more less.

I would say aid is more like fixing tool of impacts of a bad system. Aid works for symptom created by a system. The system itself is greediness of capitalism of the economy regime where 0,000015 percent (less than 1 percent) of the population of this earth decides how people should be in term of economy.

What general idea in my head, too wide and naive if you would like to say so, is main factors of this global injustice are merely due to two correlated factors. First of all is greediness of few people and secondly is about economy regime. I will try to explain this my 'naive' theory.

Now, take a look at Forbes Magazine listing the most fortune individuals/families on earth of 2010. Forbes lists 1,011 individuals/families who are the most fortune on earth. I once counted their total wealth and the amount is 3,567 billion USD (3,567,000,000,000).These 1,011 persons (families) own the world. They decide the life of 6,827,100,000 people on earth. One thousand people decides the life of 6,8 billion of people.

Another fact is 80% of people on earth earn less than 10 USD per day (Source: World Bank). So, if you earn more than say 300 USD per month you are lucky because you are not a part of this 80% category. I am in the 80% though. Nevertheless, it is more less 12% out of 6,8 billion people (819 million) people earn less than a 1 USD per day...

So, if the one thousand wealthy people just donates 50% of their wealth to the poor people, only 50% from their wealthy, you can make poverty history. You won't see poverty any longer on this earth. As simple as that?? Give it a try :) :) :)

social democracy

Couple months ago, I attended this workshop re-inventing "truth Indonesian democracy". The big deal is to promote social democracy which was actually the original political ideology of Indonesian founding fathers. And spirit of Indonesian constitution is very much about it. However, the fall of Sukarno, Indonesian first president, all left ideology was banned. Suharto forcefully led Indonesia to open market system of capitalism since. The fall of Suharto 1999 let Indonesia seek for its right system. Since that, Indonesia is still between "communism phobia" and "searching for right way".

The growing of Islam fundamentalist I believe very much is a side impact of that situation. In one side, we are aware that in terms of economy Indonesia was very much underdeveloped in Sukarno presidency. On the contrary, under Suharto presidency the open market system created huge gap between the have and the poor. Sadly, there is no any president after Suharto (4 presidents) who is convincing Indonesian people where to go and how.

And social democracy is re-vitalized if you could say so. And it seems that it will take a long journey..

The picture below was a session of discussion by three academicians and Budiman Sudjatmiko (speaking). This discussion was supported by FES